I went to get a third opinion today on the question of chemotherapy for my breast cancer.  I had one very reputable doctor say “yes to chemo” for me and another very reputable doctor say ”absolutely not on chemo” for me.  I was stumped.  I spoke to my plastic surgeon and my breast surgeon and I decided to go for the third opinion.  I met with James Waisman, M.D. today and he changed my mind about chemo.  He educated me about my cancer and really took the time to make sure that I understood exactly what I am dealing with.

Generally the decision for the need of chemotherapy is black and white.  With me….not so much.  I am the case where it is very gray and qualified professionals tend to differ on their opinion in this area.  One of the cancers I carry is the HER2 - positive breast cancer.   This is a cancer that tests positive for a human epidural growth factor receptor 2 (HER2), which promotes the growth of cancer cells.  In about 1 of every 5 breast cancers, the cancer cells make an excess of HER2 due to a gene mutation.  HER2 - positive breast cancers tend to be more aggressive than other types of breast cancer.  With the proper treatment there is a 95% cure rate.  Without the proper treatment the cure rate drops to 80%.  I will take the 95% any day.  I have to do the right thing.  I cannot make the wrong decision. 

I am lucky enough to have a great husband who has told me that the worst is over (the surgeries) and that he will be there with me along every moment of the chemo.  This brings me such comfort.  We are both not scared anymore of chemo.  We went through so much together with the surgeries and it really bonded us.  Jason is the right person to have with you in dark times – he makes you laugh and forget about how serious it all is.  This is the guy who in a leap of faith, I abruptly married after knowing him for just twelve (12) days.  Both of my sisters severly judged me and thought I was crazy and had lost my mind.  Funny how that stranger (my husband) has walked me through the fire in the past three months and my sisters have had no part in caring for me or participating in the experience of my cancer.   Family – the other “F” word.

My crazy husband and I went to see a new oncologist last Friday.  The new oncologist, who came highly referred by my plastic surgeon, does not agree with the first oncologist I met with.  Both doctors are very well known and highly regarded. 

The first oncologist said “yes” to the chemotherapy of six (6) sessions – three (3) weeks apart.  That’s 18 weeks of chemotherapy. 

The second oncologist said again at our appointment this morning “absolutely not” to the chemotherapy.  He told us that the desicion to do chemotherapy on a breast cancer patient is based on the largest mass found.  Generally, when a mass of 5 mm or larger is found, then chemotherapy is necessary.  My largest mass was .5 mm.  The difference between .5 and 5 is huge.  The doctor still needs to speak to my breast surgeon and the first oncologist, but based on his findings and my blood from last week, the biggest concern with me right now is that my iron levels are low and I need to bring them up.  My wonderful crazy husband Jason and I just sat there, looked at each other and smiled.  I am scheduled to go back to see the doctor in a month.

WOW!!! Interesting how making the decision to do my chemotherapy closer to home made me choose a new doctor in Encino and the new doctor is very confident in his opinion that I do not need chemotherapy or any other therapy at this time.  I am sure that we will more than likely get a 3rd opinion.  It is just so interesting to see the second opinion go the opposite way from the first opinion. 

Changing channels for a minute – I went to see my plastic surgeon yesterday to get the last of my “friends” removed.  My “friends” being my drainage tubes.  I had one left.  These tubes drain the body fluid from you – post surgery.  I came home with six (6) after my double mastectomy and four (4) after my DIEP FLAP reconstruction surgery.  This is the one thing nobody tells you about surgery.  Sometimes you come home with drainage tubes.  I think that would be a good thing to know.  If you ever have a surgery and come home with these, you better get prepared.  Anyone with a super queezy stomach who doesn’t like dealing with icky stuff and measuring it for capacity is in for a very challenging experience.  I carried my last “friend” around for four (4) weeks.  It was so weird to me last night when it was gone and I was changing my clothes.  Funny. 

I look forward to getting back to a somewhat regular schedule and back on track with our lives.  This experience with Breast Cancer has made me take a closer look at a lot of things.  It’s been a real eye opener.

Tomorrow, April 14th is my 42nd birthday! 

I plan to start my day off with a morning visit to my wonderful doctor, Jay Orringer, M.D.  www.drorringer.com   Because of his manner in treating me, I can go into this birthday with a clear and positive head.  Dr. Orringer has been instrumental in keeping me on track both emotionally and physically.  

Making a wish when I blow out the candles this year will be very different than any birthday before.  This time my wish will be to continue this journey and complete it through the 6 sessions of chemotherapy that is right around the corner.   I will wish to beat this thing that has decided to show itself.  I will wish to be Cancer free.  One thing I won’t be wishing for is better people in my life.  A tremendous support system surrounds me and my family with all the love, comfort and support we could ever need, and more. 

42 is going to be a great year for me.  It will start out with me being potentially sick and definitely bald.  It will end with me being ecstatic and relieved to have all this behind me and the rest of my life in front of me.  I am looking at a year out.  By April 14, 2012 I hope to have grown a cute short hairstyle and breathe easy knowing that I took care of this.  I already have learned a lot about appreciation for everything I have and everyone I hold close to me.

NIP/TUCK – Last Wednesday my plastic surgeon from 90210 came to my house to check on me.  Yes, he made a house call.  I was supposed to go to his office that day however, a minor mental meltdown that morning made me unable to go anywhere.  I called the doctor and he told me that everything I was feeling emotionally was normal and that I had been through a lot in a very short amount of time.  He was concerned and needed to check up on me, so he came to me.  This was not his first time to the house.  During the visit, the doctor noticed that there was a seven-inch area of my lower abdomen that was not healing properly and it had opened slightly.  He told me that he was going to need to have me come to his office the following day to have a little minor surgery. 

The following day my brave, wonderful and crazy husband Jason and I went to see the doctor.  It is important to note that the doctor had come in on his day off to do this for me.  We went into one of the examining rooms.  I changed into a paper shirt and bikini thong and got up on the chair/table.   We have gotten so close to this wonderful doctor that he allowed Jason to remain in the room while he performed minor surgery on me.  I was prepped and given a local anesthetic to my lower abdomen.  The seven-inch area of my skin that had not adhered was removed with a scalpel.  Jason was making nervous jokes like asking the doctor if he was going to remove my spleen while he had me open.  The doctor endearingly smiled at Jason, gave a chuckle and promised Jason that he would never be removing a spleen from anyone.  The doctor then stitched me back up.  I felt nothing the entire time and just kept talking during the procedure.  Amazingly odd yet, it seemed remarkably normal and comfortable the entire time.  We have been unbelievably lucky to have this wonderful doctor care for me. 

In order to round out our week in the most balanced way, Jason and I returned to Beverly Hills on Friday so the doctor could remove one of my drain tubes.  I have to say, the drain tubes have been one of the most interesting experiences of this journey.  You basically have tubes coming out of your body and they are connected to these bulbs that collect the fluid that is being drained from your body due to the surgery.  I have had two drain tubes coming out of me since my most recent surgery on March 22.  One drain tube down, one to go!

I am now down to 140 pounds.  I started this journey weighing approximately 154 pounds.  I get so unbelievably cold sometimes.  I am so thin around my chest area and my face has gotten a lot thinner as well.  The last time I weighed this much it was 1999.  I realized the other day that with this last reconstructive procedure that I had on March 22, I would never have to ever worry about NHO’s any more.  For clarification – NHO stands for nipple hard ons.  Remember peeps, my stomach tissue and skin is now on my chest.  All of my breast tissue is gone.  I found this to be very amusing and shared it with a girlfriend and we just started busting up laughing. 

I have to say, this week is ending much better than it began.  I hope to feel even better next week.  As much as I get stronger every day, I still feel like a bus hit me when I wasn’t looking and it dragged me 100 feet.   

I am unbelievably lucky to have my wonderful crazy husband Jason by my side every day.   From one day to the next he just keeps on staying strong for me and guides me through the dark times.  For a guy who has trouble getting his own blood drawn, he has definitely seen some shocking stuff in the past three months and has held his own as if he was used to this.  I think we both just keep looking forward and don’t look back.  We have pictures that were taken of me all along the way during the three surgeries. Have we looked at them?  No, we haven’t.  Will we?  Yes, when the time is right, we will look at them.  I don’t think either one of us is focusing on the past right now, we are focused on the future and what it has in store for us. 

Even though I do consider it to be my friend, I have really been trying to cut back on my pain medication for the past couple of days.  I wonder if this has made me more clear headed.  For the past two days I have woken up feeling very different.  It is difficult to explain the way I am feeling.  In the simplist words, I think I am just realizing that…

Oh Shit, I have Breast Cancer!  I have it in my genes and I did not know it!  I was diagnosed on February 4th at 41 years old, at the top of my game professionally, on top of the world in my heart, mind and soul and in what I thought my most perfect health.  Since that day I have been on a crazy ride.  I have been through one minor and two major surgeries in less than 8 weeks!  I had to have the greatest boob job EVER removed from my body and replaced with other body parts in order to put me back together and make me whole again!  Wholy Shit.  This was not on my to do list this year!  This was never on my radar!!!!!

When I was first diagnosed, I guess I just understood that I was going to go on a roller coaster of a journey and I got on board….without ever realizing exactly what the crazy ass rollercoaster looked like or how many turns it had or how many times you were turned upside down and inside out during the course of the ride.  I am not even finished with the ride.  I think I am at the intermission of the ride.  This little time period I am in right now is the calm before the storm for me.  The next part of the ride is the chemo and that will start in 3 weeks.   Can you say new makeup for Seana?  Bald head means wearing a great face and that means new makeup!!!  (I just had to slip in a little humor)

I have always considered myself to be tough-as-nails and a fighter.  I have been through way too much and always prevailed.  Nothing could ever take me down.  Boy, I was wrong.  I will openly say it…I got my ass kicked by Cancer.  I have never gone through anything so shocking as this.  Friends have been rooting for me to kick Cancer’s ass and I have to tell you that I intend to rid myself of this, however I am not sure I am going to kick its ass.  I just want to take care of it and make it go away.  I am not angry at it.  I think Cancer is going to kick my ass all the way until the end and then it will die off quietly.  I just have to stay in the fight.  I have to stay in the ring and get up every time the bell rings.  I can do that.   I will be able to do that with the support of my wonderful husband, my children, my family and my friends.

As someone who was not raised with any form of organized religion, I have had to find my own way to Faith.  I am, however a baptized Catholic.  I was baptized almost six months to the day after I was born.  This was a measure taken to make my Latin Grandparents on my Father’s side happy.  My Latin Grandmother insisted on the baptism so that I would not go to Hell.  Really?!?  Maybe she had more of a reason to insist on the baptism.   As memory serves me right from what my Mom would tell me, it was all about “What if the baby dies and she is not baptized…she will go to Hell”.  How come it wasn’t about raising me in the eyes of God and educating me to be a good person?  Interesting.   

As I previously said, my parents did not raise me to acknowledge ANY religion.   Instead, my forward-thinking and progressive parents came to a mutual agreement that one day I would find my Faith on my own and it would be through my experiences and it would be MY decision, not theirs.  They taught me to be a responsible member in my family, a loyal and trustworthy individual, someone who did not see color, respectful of different cultures and religions, a person who saw same sex relationships as normal and to speak my mind.   I cannot thank them enough. 

Many people who are close to me practice Buddhism.  I have always been intrigued by this and I realize that I need to look closer into it.  I have my relationship with God.  It is not your normal, average relationship, but it is there and it is strong and for that I am grateful. 

It is amazing how different this Sunday is from last Sunday.  I have now been home from the hospital for a week.    I feel better and stronger every day.  I have to remember to take it easy and allow this miracle body of mine to rest and heal.   My crazy husband has been at my side every minute making sure I don’t have to do anything.  He has been a major contributer to my healing process.

For those of you who know me personally, you know that I am a huge advocate of Charlie Sheen.  The blowup of him being fired from Two and a Half Men coincided with the diagnosis of my Breast Cancer.  He chose one word, WINNING, to express who he is.  I loved it.  I immediately jumped on board with the WINNING statement.  I use it on Facebook, I use it when I am talking to people and they ask me how I am doing, I had it put on a coffee cup that I drink from every day.  I branded the opposite side of the coffee cup with COUGAR BLOOD.  I just couldn’t help it.  It sounded so funny.  He has TIGER BLOOD.  I didn’t want to borrow that part.  I will walk around this Summer sporting a baseball hat with the words WINNING embroidered on it

Today is obviously a better day for me.  Yesterday, honestly sucked and it was all emotional.  It has passed and I am back on the positive track.  My crazy husband and I went to see my plastic surgeon today for a check up.  I had a couple of stitches removed from my brand new belly button.  He checked out my hip to hip scar where they took the piece of skin to create my breasts.  He checked the healing of the newly created breasts.  He smiled and told us that in his 20 years of practice, he has never seen someone heal as well and as quickly as I have.  He is amazed.   We are grateful.  I am addicted to WINNING my battle with Cancer.