In preparation for my next chemo session, I had my BFF buzz most of my hair off today.  My wonderful and crazy husband requested that I sport a mohawk for a while just for fun and laughs.  I graciously agreed and here is the result.  It is so appropriate that this picture would include the larger than life sized gargoyle and one of his prized tikis.  

I have to give credit to my crazy husband.  He’s had the right attitude ever since I was diagnosed and it has helped me to stay on track and push through this horrible thing that came upon me less than three months ago. 

When I first saw myself in the mirror I said that I resembled Flea from Red Hot Chili Peppers.  My BFF laughed out loud and agreed.  I realize now that I have freckles on my head.  Hmmm, never knew that until now.  Good times!

The funny thing is that my husband likes it.  When he first saw me he jokingly said I looked like I could kick his ass.  Now he is thinking we should dye it blond or red.  He took a picture of us and sent it to a number of our friends with a tag line of “My Hot Wife.”  This crazy guy  has been sitting next to me for the past 15 minutes asking me if I am beginning to like my new hair do and if I am going to feel weird going out in public with a mohawk.  I told him that I don’t feel weird about very much anymore and this is the least of my worries.  We both just laughed because it really doesn’t matter.  How this guy is able to just look at cancer head on and laugh in its face is so admirable to me.  I always have known he is wonderful.  I have always also known he was crazy.  Right now both of those qualities are paying off in my favor in a very big way.  I am glad I married him.  I made the best knee jerk decision of my life.  I love my crazy husband!

These heroes are dead.  They died for liberty – they died for us.  They are at rest.  They sleep in the land they made free, under the flag they rendered stainless, under the solemn pines, the sad hemlocks, the tearful willows, and the embracing vines.  They sleep beneath the shadows of the clouds, careless alike of sunshine or of storm, each in the windowless Place of Rest.  Earth may run red with other wars – they are at peace.  In the midst of battle, in the roar of conflict, they found the serenity of death.  I have one sentiment for soldiers living and dead:  cheers for the living; tears for the dead.  ~Robert G. Ingersoll

Memorial Day is a day of rememberance and honor to the men and women who have given their lives to fight for our freedom as Americans.  Every American needs to cherish our Freedom and understand how lucky we are to have it.  I felt it was appropriate to honor them on my blog today and say Thank You!  http://www.pbs.org/memorialdayconcert/meaning/

Just for fun and knowledge sharing, I borrowed this information from Wikipedia referencing the addition of the words “under God” to The Pledge of Allegiance.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pledge_of_Allegiance  

Louis A. Bowman (1872–1959) was the first to initiate the addition of “under God” to the Pledge. The National Society of the Daughters of the American Revolution gave him an Award of Merit as the originator of this idea.  He spent his adult life in the Chicago area and was Chaplain of the Illinois Society of the Sons of the American Revolution.  At a meeting on February 12, 1948, Lincoln’s Birthday, he led the Society in swearing the Pledge with two words added, “under God.” He stated that the words came from Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Though not all manuscript versions of the Gettysburg Address contain the words “under God”, all the reporters’ transcripts of the speech as delivered do, as perhaps Lincoln may have deviated from his prepared text and inserted the phrase when he said “that the nation shall, under God, have a new birth of freedom.” Bowman repeated his revised version of the Pledge at other meetings.

In 1951, the Knights of Columbus, the world’s largest Catholic fraternal service organization, also began including the words “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance.  In New York City, on April 30, 1951, the Board of Directors of the Knights of Columbus adopted a resolution to amend the text of their Pledge of Allegiance at the opening of each of the meetings of the 800 Fourth Degree Assemblies of the Knights of Columbus by addition of the words “under God” after the words “one nation.” Over the next two years, the idea spread throughout Knights of Columbus organizations nationwide. On August 21, 1952, the Supreme Council of the Knights of Columbus at its annual meeting adopted a resolution urging that the change be made universal and copies of this resolution were sent to the President, the Vice President (as Presiding Officer of the Senate) and the Speaker of the House of Representatives. The National Fraternal Congress meeting in Boston on September 24, 1952, adopted a similar resolution upon the recommendation of its president, Supreme Knight Luke E. Hart. Several State Fraternal Congresses acted likewise almost immediately thereafter. This campaign led to several official attempts to prompt Congress to adopt the Knights of Columbus’ policy for the entire nation. These attempts failed.

In 1952, Holger Christian Langmack wrote a letter to President Truman suggesting the inclusion of “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. Mr. Langmack was a Danish philosopher and educator who came to America in 1911. He was one of the originators of the Prayer Breakfast and a religious leader in Washington, D.C. President Truman met with him along with several others to discuss the inclusion of “under God” and also “love” just before “liberty and justice”.

At the suggestion of a correspondent, Representative Louis C. Rabaut of Michigan sponsored a resolution to add the words “under God” to the Pledge in 1953.

President Eisenhower, though raised a Jehovah’s Witness, had been baptized a Presbyterian just a year before. He responded enthusiastically to Docherty in a conversation following the service. Eisenhower acted on his suggestion the next day and on February 8, 1954, Rep. Charles Oakman (R-Mich.), introduced a bill to that effect. Congress passed the necessary legislation and Eisenhower signed the bill into law on Flag Day, June 14, 1954.

The phrase “under God” was incorporated into the Pledge of Allegiance June 14, 1954, by a Joint Resolution of Congress amending §7 of the Flag Code enacted in 1942.

While playing around on Facebook the other day I came across an ad looking for bloggers who would like to review chocolate products on their blog.  Do I hear FREE CHOCOLATE?!?!?!?!

I applied to the company, Chocoley  www.chocoley.com with an email and this wonderful box was then promptly delivered to my home.  The box contained one-pound bags of Chocoley Bada Bing Bada Boom Compound Milk, White, Dark and Extra Dark non-tempering chocolate candy melts.  They also kindly added a sample of their new Fair Trade Organic 65% Dark Couverture Chocolate candy melts.  Also in the box was a bottle of Cocoa Lava Gourmet Liquid Chocolate and my favorite, a one-pound container of Chocoley Caramel.  I have always been a lover of caramel and sooooo appreciated them including this in the sample box! 

Chocoley was smart enough to include 5 high end caramel apple sticks, a plastic sheet mold for candy making, recipes, melting instructions, general information sheet on working with and storing chocolate, ideas and techniques.  Very nice touch.  Not everyone has the knowledge of how delicate chocolate and candy making can be.  I used their candy sheet and found it very easy to make all different kinds of candies.  I also used the Chocoley chocolate in many of my personal candy molds and it worked perfectly.

The Cocoa Lava Gourmet Liquid Chocolate was really easy to work with and has a delicious flavor.  I love to make old-fashioned chocolate cream cheese frosting for my cupcakes.  It was as easy as me beating the cream cheese and adding some of the liquid chocolate.  I added it to ice cream and milkshakes and my husband and kids loved it.  I am excited to swirl it into a homemade cheesecake!  You can use this as a filler to your candy too!  So many uses.

As I previously said, I am a lover of caramel.  I will choose it over chocolate almost every time.  I made and indulged in my own caramel apple with the Chocoley Caramel.  It was deliciously smooth and easy to work with.  The flavor or the caramel is world class.  This past Easter my family members enjoyed and loved the caramel inside of the candies I made with the Chocoley Chocolate.

Let’s talk about the Chocoley Chocolate.  Outstanding.  Surprisingly outstanding.  I have been using chocolate candy melts for 15 years and this is by far THE BEST chocolate I have ever used.  I will be reaching out to www.chocoley.com for all of my future candy making needs.

The packaging is unique, innovative and proactive.  Imagine receiving chocolate candy melts in those great resealable coffee bags.  Very smart packaging. 

Whether you are a first timer and have never made candy before and are interested in trying it or a novice candy maker and are looking to elevate what you are producing, I encourage my readers to try the Chocoley products.  You will be pleasantly surprised and pleased with the flavor and consistency of the chocolate.

I was very pleased with my sampler package and I am curious about the other Chocoley products that can be found at www.chocoley.com.  If I had to give Chocoley a rating from a 1 to 5 with 5 being best, I would give it a 5! 

 My Facebook lovers and users can easily find Chocoley at www.facebook.com/bestchocolate.com

When life gives you lemons it is best to make lemonade!!!!  I live with the guy who makes lemonade every single day. 

In prior blog entries I have written about my wonderful and adored crazy husband, Jason and his ridiculous antics with purchases.   One of my husbands greatest abilities is to make me laugh.  I believe that Jason will be a great contributor to my healing, as they do say that laughter is the best medicine. 

Jason plays around with his iphone all day long looking for the next funny thing he can produce with Apple’s help.  This picture on the left is one of the most recent creations.  The retro troll is too funny.  We actually own that oversized troll and it is a toy to our 19 month old daughter Raquel.

The topic of this blog used to be solely about my crazy husband and its main topic has taken a turn to my breast cancer.  I feel that it is very important to continue to exploit his craziness as I think it is a good topic that many people will relate to.  I mean aren’t there a ton of crazy husbands out there who sit around playing with their iphones creating funny, odd or disturbing pictures of themselves?  If there isn’t, there should be.  Let loose men!  Be good to your women and make them laugh a lot.  It will get you out of the deepest trouble if you can make a woman laugh.  

In order for me to continue with my chemotherapy, it was imperative that I had an iron infusion this past Thursday.  This is where they take iron and infuse it into your bloodstream, just like a blood transfusion.  My chemotherapy has been delayed one week and I will have my next treatment this coming Thursday.  Wow, so much to look forward to!

Let’s talk about the hair loss for a minute.  I recently had my BFF of 22 years cut my hair short in the preparation for chemotherapy.  Everyone loved the shorter hair.  I then had her cut it even shorter.  Kind of like a boy cut or a “pixie” as my wonderful Aunt Susie would say.  On schedule, my hair started falling out while I was in the hospital.  Day 14 came after chemo and out came my hair.  All I have to do is wash it or touch it and it comes out.  Many of my friends would tell me that my hair might not fall out from the chemo and I always corrected them very quickly because I had been told very specifically by the nurse practitioner and my oncologist that indeed the hair will fall out.  The chemotherapy that I am undergoing is no joke and it is nothing nice.   I have one of the worst and most aggressive types of breast cancer, it is called Her2-neu.    http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/breast-cancer/AN00495.  I have surrenderedto the hair loss and accepted it.  I bought a wig but I really don’t think I will wear it very much.  I am more of a scarf/bandanna/hat wearing type of chick.

I am personally dealing with many things right now and feel that I have at least 3 balls in the air at all times.  It is very difficult for me to shut everything else off in my life that I am responsible for and take care of.  My wonderful husband has been by my side throughout this entire journey and for that I am ever so grateful.  He keeps me laughing every day.  Funny how life just keeps on keepin’ on when you wish it could just stop and take a break for a while.  No chance of that in my life or in my family.  One thing after another just keeps on blowing up and I feel like it’s raining issues and problems.  Generally though, issues and problems resolve themselves and life moves forward.  The sun comes up every single day and we start a new day with the opportunity to do good in this world.  This is how I choose to see things. 

I have five (5) more chemo sessions to do and that is how I am looking at it.  1 down, 5 to go.  The first session was awful due to the staph infection that was lurking inside of me – undetected.  I can only hope and pray that the next session of chemo is easier and more manageable.  I now have migraines everyday as a result of the chemo.  They are not as bad as they were.  It will be interesting to see if the migraines return and increase in intensity after the next chemo treatment.

What is strength?  In my opinion strength is not measured by how much you can bench press.  Strength has everything to do with how much you can endure from life and the challenges you face during the time that you are on this planet.  People tell me all the time that life is precious.  I agree, it is.  But it is also unpredictable and frightening at times.

My experience with breast cancer has been just that.  Unpredictable and frightening.  Recently I started chemo.  I was put on a steroid and had my infusion two weeks ago.  Chemotherapy is all about a balance of medications given at one time that will almost kill you and equally save your life.  It is about the proper balance and that is different for each individual who undergoes the treatment.  I cannot really tell you how the chemo affected me because little did I know that there was a horrible infection dwelling within my body without any signs.  I refer to it as the Phantom.  I received chemo on the Thursday before Mother’s Day.  I went through the weekend fine and celebrated Mother’s Day with some fatigue but not really terrible.  By Monday morning I had a wrenching migraine and was completely freaked out.  Doctor’s had told me that people work during ther chemo process.  Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to over-extend myself in everything I do.  I really thought I was going to work that day.  NO WAY JOSE!!!!!  Who the heck did I think I was – Superwoman?  I guess I used to think that.  I don’t anymore, maybe someday I will think that way of myself again but chemo and the infection humbled me beyond belief.  For the rest of the week I carried a migraine.  I had extreme fatigue and basically existed in my living room every day in an oversized plush bean bag chair curled up in a fetal position.  I truly shut down.  Vicodin was prescribed for my migraine and it got under control by that Friday.  But I was still so fatigued and was not recovering the way that the oncologist said that I should be.  What the heck was wrong?  Why was I able to withstand 3 surgeries in 2 months with no blood transfusions and I couldn’tcome back at all from chemo? 

I noticed that the incision line that stretches from hip to hip on my body from the DIEP FLAP had come open and there was a hole that was leaking fluid.  More and more fluid was coming out.  I then went to see my wonderful plastic surgeon, Jay Orringer, MD.  He looked at it and was very surprised.  This surgery had healed so well.  What went wrong?  ANSWER:  There was a large seroma in my lower abdomen on my left side.  A seroma is a pocket of clear serous fluid that sometimes develops in the body after surgery. When small blood vessels are ruptured, blood plasma can seep out; inflammation caused by dying injured cells also contributes to the fluid.  Along with the seroma was this terrible infectious muck (I call it muck).  This had caused the two areas of tissue to not adhere to each other inside my abdominal wall.  He did a little work on me in his office and then said that he was going to have to take me back to surgery and redo the entire incision line as well as clean out the infectious contents that were rapidly growing inside of me.  That was on a Monday.  By Tuesday night things had gotten worse.  My doctor came to my house and worked on me there again, trying to remove the muck as best as he could to get me to Thursday when my surgery had been scheduled for.  I saw the look in his eyes as he worked on me and was determined to turn this horrible situation around.  Talk about dedication to your patient.  This is a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon who I believe would take a bullet for me.  I am lucky to have this man in my life.  He will always be in my life.  HE SAVED MY PRECIOUS LIFE. 

 BACK TO SURGERY

I was operated on at St. John’s Hospital in Santa Monica on May 19th.  My doctor is known and recognized as a master in his profession.  I have only known him in his office and in my home.  I forgot that he goes to this hospital every single day and performs magic on people.  He truly is a magician who can pull a rabbit out of a hat.  He is a skilled artist and takes so much pride in what he does.  He is a teacher and mentor as well.  All the nurses who work on his team and with his patients have to learn about the procedures he does and everyone is kept to a platinum standard of dedication and care.  I learned this while observing him in the hospital.  I was told that he is the only plastic surgeon who does not yell at the nurses.  Do not mistake this for weakness.  He speaks firmly and calmly to them with a level of respect.  He is a true gentleman and mentor to them.  Just as I thought he would be.  I am glad I got to see this first hand.

My surgery went unbelievably well.  But my blood levels were still extremely low from the infection.  We decided to do a blood transfusion to bring the levels up.  By day 2 you could see that my body was recovering and the incision line looked great.  My skin had good color and the redness was fading.  Success!  But my blood levels were still low and we needed to bring them up to a level that could sustain me going back into chemo.  Today a second blood transfusion was done.  Hopefully by tomororw my blood levels will be back up and we can move forward.  I know for sure I am going home tomorrow. 

This entire experience has once again taught me about the rollercoaster ride of life.   With every day you never know what miracle will happen, what prayer will be answered or what terrifying thing will happen to you.  Life is not easy and it not fair.  My Dad taught me that when I was 5 years old and he was right.  I watched him have his first heart bypass surgery when I was just 8 years old.  I watched it again when he had a second heart bypass surgery when I was 21 years old.  I helped him with his second recovery.  I never saw fear in him, just determination.  If he was alive today he would be so proud of my strength.  In my heart I know he can see what is going on and he is proud.  He can see that I have taken this like a trooper and given it my all without a lot of crying and complaining.  The same way both he and my Mother would have handled it.  My Mother has alzheimer’s disease and does not retain the information that I have breast cancer.  I understand this and just tell her again about it often.  She asked me what she could do for me a number of times.  With tears in my eyes I said ”There isn’t anything you need to do for me Mom.  You have done it already.  You raised me to be strong and fight.  I learned all of that from you and Daddy”.  I know that she loved to hear that.  I am such the product of both of my parents.  I just wish they were both here to see that everything they taught me growing up has been so unbelievably valuable to me.  I would not have survived this without them.

I went to my chemotherapy orientation appointmentyesterday.  It was a one on one meeting with a nurse practitioner.  I am so glad that I chose this oncologist, James Waisman, M.D..  I am unbelievably comfortable with everyone in his office and I believe that I am going to have the best experience possible – at least with the infusion of the medicine. 

I was given four prescriptions for medicine as well as my prescription for a wig.  Huh, I have never had a prescription for a wig before.  Chalk it up to another new experience!

While everyone is gathering at happy-hour this Cinco De Mayo (May 5th), I will be indulging in a totally different kind of cocktail.  My cocktail will consist of the following drugs EMEND, DECADRON,  ALOXI,  BENADRYL,  more DECADRON,  PEPCID,  TAXOTERE, CARBOPLATIN and HERCEPTIN.   Wow, that is a lot of stuff.  I had to sit here and read it all off of my patient information sheet.   My wing-man and wonderful, loving crazy husband will be with me today.  I really have this positive outlook now about the chemotherapy.  It was recommended by my doctor to cut my hair shorter now that way it won’t be so drastic when I start losing it.  I called my BFF of 22 years, who is also my trusty hairdresser, and asked her if she could cut my hair today. 

I went to her salon, we looked at picture sampleas and we began to cut my hair.   

Now my hair is a super cute short style.  I love it and my husband loves it.  My kids were not too fased by the major change in my hairstyle but I think they are used to it from prior changes in hair color red, brunette and blond. 

My next adventure in a couple of days will be to go out and find a wig.  My husband wants me to make sure that I get a platinum blond wig for the evenings and weekend events and whatever color I want for the office.  He is such a nut.  I might just do that though.  It would be kind of fun.

Update: We all just arrived home.  I am groggy and a little loopy.   I cannot believe how much Jason has made sure that he is involved in every aspect of this cancer experience.  That is so comforting to me at this terrible time.  He has just been my hero.’

This picture was taken on my back patio this afternoon.  While sitting outside today I noticed that this dove has made its nest right at the top of the head of this alligator.  Something so beautiful nesting atop something so deadly.  Funny how nature takes over. 

I have made my decision to move forward with my chemotherapy with the breast oncologist.  Oddly, I am actually motivated to get the ball rolling on it and begin taking treatments.  The sooner the better.  Let’s get this over with.  I have had a number of friends offer to go with me and sit with me while I get pumped full of poison (sorry, this is my preconceived view of chemotherapy) and I am so grateful for that.  Think about what that means for someone.  They have to take an entire day off of work just to do this for me.   I guess I better plan to be on my best behavior and have the best positive attitude!