It has been 30 days since my last blog post. I chose not to write on my blog during these days because I was so “under-water”. That is how I describe the affect chemotherapy has on me. Additionally some depression crept up on me and I did not want to write about it. I never stopped thinking about articles/posts to write but somehow was silenced both verbally and physically. I wanted to write but somehow I could not bring myself to do it. I wanted to talk to friends who have had tragedy during these past 30 days and that has been difficult as well. So much craziness has gone on this year. I must say that 2011 is the worst year I have ever had and that goes the same for a number of my closest friends.
I am unbelievably excited about returning to work after 5 1/2 months of not being there. I have some anxiety about jumping back into the water but I must. The chemo brain is what concerns me. Sometimes I cannot recall what a simple every day item is called. For example – imagine there is a diet coke can on the table. I will sit there and point to it and say can you pass me that when I know what it is that needs to be passed to me, I just cannot get the word from my brain to my mouth. I anticipate that with my return to work I will initially listen more than I talk and it was exactly the opposite of that prior to my breast cancer.
They tell me I am cured. I believe them. I hope I am cured. I don’t know if I could go through all of this again. I really had a bad time with the reconstruction and the chemotherapy. I have no idea how older women manage to do this and survive through it more than once in their lifetime.
Feeling the need to share a story from just the other day -
I decided to stop off at a neighborhood high end drug store that is known for catering to women who love to buy little gifts and trinkets. I walked the entire drug store looking for Breast Cancer Awareness products to purchase. I asked one of the sales clerks for help and she said that the store did not have any Breast Cancer Awareness products. I held my breathe and held back an “F” bomb. I then said “That is horrible”. I could not control myself. The next thing out of my mouth was “That is just f*cking horrible”. I drove home trying to understand how a drug store was not promoting Breast Cancer Awareness. It is October! Duh!
When Igot home I called the drug store and asked to speak to the manager. A nice lady got on the phone. I introduced myself to her and asked her if the majority of the customers who shop at the drug store are women and she answered yes. I asked her if she felt that the majority were prominent women who love to spend money. She answered yes. I then asked her why the drug store is not selling anything to support Breast Cancer Awareness. She said that the owner decided not to do this. The owner is a female I found out later. I expressed to the young lady on the phone that I would be happy to share this experience with all of the women that I know who shop at this drug store. Spread awareness and make money doing it. That is the right thing to do. By not doing this, the drug store is missing out on many opportunities to make money and support the hearts of their customers. They should be able to walk in and have PINK PINK PINK everywhere in October. Too many women are diagnosed with breast cancer every year. Too many women have died from breast cancer. This really is a no – brainer.